


I Never Will

by dokidad



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-27
Updated: 2013-06-27
Packaged: 2017-12-16 09:04:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dokidad/pseuds/dokidad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was always strong, but he had broken down her walls, and left her with the searing pain of never being able to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Never Will

**Author's Note:**

> I don't necessarily ship this, but I don't have a problem with said ship either. The main reason for writing this was to grasp the feelings Nyota felt toward Scotty. 
> 
> I hate to write about loss, but I find that understanding the loss helped me to understand how much she loved him, and generally gave me a better feeling on the pair.
> 
>  It has also come to my understanding that Scotty/Uhura was was more evident in TOS. Specifically Final Frontier (I believe.) But I have written this for nu!Trek because I like the challenge of capturing the newer characters personalitys. ... and Zoe Saldana is hot...
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, if I did you would know.
> 
>  Anyways, please enjoy. I wrote this for you.

Nyota Uhura stood at the foot of her bed thinking about whether she should do it or not, wondering if she could withstand the pain this time. She analyzed the perimeter of her bed, bitter memories lingering at the edge of her mind.

She missed him all too much. She flipped on the hologram and sat in his spot, pulling her knees to her chest. She buried her head in them as she listened to the sound of his voice. She tried to hold on. She tried to listen and do as she was told, yet she always found herself defying his command. His need.

Truthfully, she didn’t want to move on. How could she when she longed so much for his embrace? She missed the nights they’d spend together talking all night long, turning something into absolutely nothing. She loved how she could be herself around him, how she wasn’t afraid to smile, or have to hide her fears. She loved the way she held him tight.

But most of all she loved the way she loved him. She would have never admitted it then, but she could now. He had broken her walls down, told her to stay, and held her through her hostility.

Before he left he made her promise to forget him. Tried to make her understand that there would be others that could love her far better than he could, but there wasn’t, and she knew that there never would be.

_“I love you,” He said, his accent profound and drowning in alcohol._

_“Whatever.” She pushed, a smile playing at her lips._

_“I do.” He pushed on, “I really do.”_

Nyota’s breath hitched at the all too familiar moment, and she screamed in agony, arms reaching out for someone who wasn’t - couldn’t- be there.

_He laughed, pulling her into him. “You’re so cute; I hope you never get tired of hearing that.”_

_She rolled her eyes and giggled. “I already am.”_

She pulled into herself even more with each memory the hologram portrayed. She remembered the way he held the camera, shaky and unstable.

_“I want to document us.” He said._

_“Why is that?” she countered._

_“So we never forget.”_

She scratched at the back of her head, willing herself to forget, screaming out in pain. She was supposed to be strong, wasn’t she? This wasn’t at all the Nyota Uhura people knew outside of her quarters.

No, this was the side of her he opened up. The side she had hidden many years ago, and the side she was so reluctant to let him see. Yet he found his way too it. He found his way into her life, and made her his home, and in return she made him hers. The only place she could be comfortable and free. The only place she could be herself, and knew she wouldn’t be judged for it.

He had loved her like no other had before, and she had loved him the same way.

She curled into her side and pulled her pillow close to her, snuggling it dearly. She wept silently, trying to pull herself together, because she knew he wouldn’t want to see her this way. She knew that with his dying wish, he had willed her to be free. To find someone who could treat her right, and love her just as endearingly. But the world was only so big, and space only so vast. He was a once in a lifetime chance, and he had been stripped from her, just before she really got to know it.

She clenched her fists into the bed sheets, curling farther into herself with every thought. The hologram had stopped by now, but one moment played through her mind incessantly.

_“I want to document us.” He said._

_“Why is that?” she countered._

_“So we never forget.”_

“I never will, Scotty.” She said breathlessly, clinging to her pillow tightly.

_“I never will.”_


End file.
